I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.

by Lauren Kay Weber

So, apparently, there’s this show on the Discovery Channel called I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.

I have two words: Yeah, okay.

These days, there are three channels that I volley between: Food Network, The History Channel and Discovery. I know they sound all high-brow and intelligent, but that’s certainly not the case, I assure you. I can prove it: those moving pictures coming out of our TV are depicting Cupcake Wars, Chopped, Pawn Stars and Paula Deen. I told you so.

Back to I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.

I could only stand this show for about 5 minutes, because I was getting so irritated by the main woman’s idiocy that I had to change the channel before I died of sarcastic shock. About 2 minutes into the story, the narrator said something to the effect of Even though so-and-so clueless now-mother noticed weird movements in her abdomen, increasing heartburn and even a strange discharge from her nipples (!!!?!?!), she still remained unaware that she was having contractions and not just having food poisoning until the doctor showed her an ultrasound of her moving baby in the labor and delivery room. At which point, the camera returned to this woman, sitting in a chair saying something about having ruled out being pregnant because she took a pregnancy test and it came back negative.

Let me tell you, if your stomach moves like a kid jumping on a waterbed, you’re pregnant. I don’t care if 50 pregnancy tests come back negative. Or maybe you’ve been infected with the spawn of some malicious aliens.